Under The Radar Monster Movies: Vampire Edition

The year was 1979…Director Tobe Hooper created a telefilm of a Stephen King story called, Salem’s Lot. I was nine years old, and upon watching it, discovered something really quite valuable…The creature I thought for the preceding eight years looked like this, and was totally obsessed with counting numbers…

…Was actually a creature that looked like this, and was totally obsessed with ingesting my blood.

And…I may have peed. Just a little bit.

 

So, let’s take a chronological look at the best, most underrated, and possibly even unknown to you, vampire movies movies over the years following Salem’s Lot.

 

Lifeforce (1985) – Okay, so technically they’re “space vampires” but who cares?  Tobe Hooper‘s creation is one of my all time favorites and although it may qualify as science fiction, it most definitely a vampire movie. The screenplay was penned by Dan O’Bannon (Return of the Living Dead, Dark Star, Alien), and tells the story of a space shuttle crew that discovers a vessel in the tail of Halley’s Comet. Within the vessel they discover about six gajillion shriveled-up bat creatures, and three very humanoid, very naked aliens. They take the three pods containing the intergalactic nudists, and set course for Earth. These vampires distract their prey with their pubes, and then suck the life right out of them. Steve Railsback (X-Files), stars as the love struck dummy/astronaut responsible for unleashing the perpetually hungry object of his affection, played by French actress Mathilda May, on mankind. 

 

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Near Dark (1987) – This cult classic was the creation of Kathryn Bigelow (Point Break, Strange Days, The Hurt Locker, and Zero Dark Thirty to name a few), and tells the tale of a nomadic band of outlaw vampires who turn a small town farm boy into one of their own. The cast is littered with actors from James Cameron‘s stable, like Lance Henriksen  (Aliens), Jenette Goldstein (Aliens, Terminator 2), and Cameron’s go to guy, Bill Paxton (Terminator, Aliens, True Lies, and Titanic). More than worth the price of admission on this one? The fight scene in the biker bar…Paxton is the standout, as the one and only big-screen vampire to utter the classic line, “Finger lickin’ good” after tapping the vein. Imagine if you will…You’re immortal, and you’re kind of a dick…With these vampires, it was like watching a pack of malicious cats, who get off on toying with their mice. It’s a dark, bloody, at times funny, and at times a star-crossed love story.

 

Innocent Blood (1992) – In the Werewolf Edition of Under The Radar Monster Movies, John Landis set the benchmark by which I gauge all other werewolf movies. With Innocent Blood, he attempted to apply the same formula to a different movie monster. Now, it didn’t work on the same scale as its predecessor, but it did work. Its successes were the injection of humor, romance, and of course, those classic Landis visuals. An American Werewolf In London is a horror-comedy, with the accent on horror, and Innocent Blood is a horror-comedy with the accent on comedy. I mean, seriously, check this out…After the vampy vampire, Marie sees pictures of local members of the mafia in the paper, she decides to treat herself…To Italian. That’s just funny.

 

 

Cronos (1993) – The debut film of Guillermo del Toro tells the tale of Jesús, an antique dealer who discovers an ancient mechanical device hidden within a statue. The insect-like machine comes alive long enough to “bite” the aging Jesús, and an unusual transformation takes place. He becomes younger, stronger, hornier, and hungrier…For what? You guessed it…Blood. Cronos has an awful lot of heart for a vampire film. The love Jesús has for his granddaughter, Aurora is that heart. Their scenes are beautifully written, believably acted, and at times both sad, and touching. Ultimately, Aurora becomes the one thing that tethers Jesús to his fleeting humanity, and in the only way possible…Saves him.

 

30 Days of Night (2007) – This delight was derived from the devilishly dark and disturbed mind of Steve Niles. He wrote the scariest graphic novel I’ve ever read, and then helped bring those frightening images to life on the big screen. These vampires are unlike so many others…They’re feral…They have shark eyes?…They have a language that’s almost as scary as the mouth it came from…And they have a leader, played by Danny Huston, who leads by aggressive example, and not from some exalted throne. The plot alone leaves you stricken with acute claustrophobia…Ready? Okay, here goes…Every year, the town of Barrow, Alaska must endure a full month of total darkness. But this year, that fact, attracts a cunning pack of deadly vampires, who sort of…Well…Turn the town into a month long all you can eat buffet. To quote Stan The Man Lee…’Nuff said.

 

Stake Land (2010) – This isn’t just a vampire movie…It’s a vampire apocalypse movie. Before Jim Mickle directed We Are What We Are, and Cold In July, he broke new ground and pioneered a new sub-genre with this gem. For any apocalypse film to hook their audience, you have to have characters that you give a crap about…Martin and Mister are those characters. Martin is a teenager orphaned in this vampire apocalypse and luckily meets a man who takes a risk, and takes him under his wing. The man, known only as Mister (played by Nick Damici), is a bad-ass vampire slayer that makes Buffy and Van Helsing say, “Sure, I’m good…But have you seen Mister?” This film is perfect for the horror fan who usually prefers the bleak, desolate, survivalist vibe found in most zombie apocalypse movies…Typically, I find these same fans also avoid the vampires-are-like-O-M-G-super-sexy-and-like-totally-mysterious movies, like they’d avoid a zombie virus.

 

Afflicted (2013) – Do not be dissuaded by the label “found footage film” that Afflicted is saddled with. We are all getting a wee bit tired of found footage…It’s the safety net that catches the less talented filmmakers out there…But this one feels, I don’t know, different, somehow. Derek Lee, and Clif Prowse wrote, directed, and star in a film that in the very beginning plays like a tiny independent documentary, about two friends on a bucket list road trip…Rather quickly, it evolves into a fast-paced vampire movie that feels larger than the screen will allow. Full of surprises, Afflicted proves that there are still veins in the vampire genre, that have yet to be tapped.